This just in....

As I was writing my last message, "Small talk" (9:40pm), Mrs. Ray was driving over to my house to talk some more. (She did not call or anything). She came in, and told me she felt terrible. Not for making me feel bad, but she is still torn between leaving or staying.

We talked some more. We already have an appointment for a marriage counselor in two weeks. She now promises to wait till we can see him. And we will still do those Retrouvaille dialogs till then.

Small talk

Mrs. Ray had some mysterious problem with her phone - the house phone system was not working. The phone company said their side was OK, and they'd gladly come out to check her wiring, for $50. She called you-know-who. I came over at 7:30 pm (on a school night!) to help figure out what was going on. I couldn't get much farther with fixing it. But we did talk more.

She told me "I've made my decision".

Well, I never had a decision to make, and it doesn't match Mrs. Ray's!

I guess I'll just have to play it by prayer now!

I left her apartment around 9:00 pm and went home.

Falling Apart

In the last three weeks, we continued our Retrouvaille dialog, faithfully went to Retrouvaille Post sessions, did a few things together. At the Post session this last Saturday (March 17), we practiced a technique for conflict resolution on, of all things “Hand Holding”. But in that discussion, I admitted a real need to be physically close to my wife at times. And Mrs. Ray admitted she could not really accommodate me in this manner. (There’s more to it, but just follow along.)

She went to visit her daughter (2 hour drive there & 2 hours back = 4 hours of thinking). Mrs. Ray asked to stop by to talk. What she wanted to say was she really cannot go on any more, and will begin the final proceedings for the divorce.

About six years ago, I made important promises, and I am going to have a hard time withdrawing them. Marriage promises, to me, are Life Promises. It will just be a big effort, with a lot of personal heartache, to make the adjustment.

My Life’s Great Work is over. I hold little hope that Mrs. Ray will reconsider. We still need to sell the house, and sort out our stuff. I will not be moving to Arkansas, after all.

Although the door remains open for her, I have little hope for our marriage any more. If some miracle happens, I’ll add a new post. Beyond that, it looks like it’s

The End

... or maybe not after all!
Updated with this line March 20