As If....

Mrs. Ray returned from visiting her daughter. Inside me, it is a raging storm, but I'd better not let on, or Mrs. Ray will bail, angrily. That squirrel story, remember?
Tomorrow I go to church. I'll try to be discrete, but, hey, I'M HURTING INSIDE and church is the best place to get the kind of company I need.
Surely there is some problem inside me (otherwise things will all be fixed up). I have listened to Mrs. Ray, thought about Things, worked on whatever it is I can try to change, and still come up with nothing. I've been working this way for months now. Mrs. Ray has of course given up being patient with me. My apologies for nearly anything are worthless now, as I keep apologizing for many things.
No, Mrs. Ray has not turned into some evil bitch. She is just fed up with my attitude, habits and way we communicate.
Every night I am prostrate before God. I have used up all my energy, my resources. I ask Him for help, as only He now has the energy and power to work with Mrs. Ray. My prayers (you can join in, if you want to) are that I can see clearly within myself, firstly, for any error, and secondly that Mrs. Ray will realize what she is walking out on (no, not the hurt): a man who loves her and is devoted to his wife. A man who is desperately examining himself to straighten himself out to be the better husband, as it seemed at the beginning several years ago.

More than once a day in prayer I come before the Architect of Marriage, begging (who has any self-respect before God??) for answers, comfort and help.