Today Mrs. Ray was leaving to go to her daughter's house for Thanksgiving. She would leave right from work, she wouldn't be back home. Before I left for school, I wrote Mrs. Ray a note:
Not one time in the time we have been married have I ever consciously done anything to annoy you. (Yeah, I wrote some other stuff, but this is enough for here.)
I left for the day. When I returned, Mrs. Ray had written a reply on my paper:
I haven't ever set out to hurt you, either. I've done all I can to make our marriage work. …. You aren't cooperating in the divorce, you change your mind on things and don't tell me. … Now I feel cut off from my support group because you chose to return to the church that you wanted to leave. (Again, some other stuff, but this is enough for here.)
To me, this is finally a place we can start from. I took the paper and began praying intensely for Mrs. Ray and the feelings in both of us represented by the notes. I cry. I'm in emotional agony. I pray that my wife and I, and our marriage can be healed. Whenever I have done this kind of praying, by the end, I do have a deep feeling of comfort. No, the problems aren't solved, no, I do not get any angels, or voices of comfort. In fact, nothing is really changed. But inside, I do have a better hope for the future.
I also know this will still be a long and painful journey. That is why I'm putting in this blog. It's more a chronicle of the journey. Any comments will be welcomed, but I'm really using this as a vent of some very powerful feelings.
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