So What about Retrouvaille?

For those wondering if Retrouvaille will help, I'm adding my personal feelings about the program. Mrs. Ray and I attended a Retrouvaille retreat in January, 2007. Mrs. Ray did not really want to go, but we did go together.

One thing the Retrouvaille people stress is privacy. Your personal situation is never discussed. When you and your spouse are talking about "things", it will be just you two, in your private room. No personal information will be shared (OK, first names) during the program.

You and your spouse spend quite a bit of time in a large group, but not for discussing things, rather you hear several Retrouvaille veterans talk about their marriages. They will be frank and honest about their stories. They will describe the infidelity or whatever it was that pulled them apart. They will tell about how they did get back together. There is no question/answer, but I bet you just might hear your situation played out. A Priest or Pastor also offers Biblical insights along with the presentations.

{Added 2/28/09 - Yes, I still keep this up!}

I re-read this comment about "our": presenters. It's from the entry "Coasting"

I am still amazed at the Retrouvaille presenters. They feel so strongly about what they're doing, they will stop their presentation, look at the group, and say "If you have any question or problem, call us! Do not hesitate! We are serious about this!" Some of the couples have traveled three hours (through Los Angeles) to come give a talk.

{End of Additon}

You and your spouse are given a private room. You both will be given notebooks and asked to write things in them. You will be shown how to put your thoughts together. Do not be afraid if you "can't write". If your marriage is important enough (as in "I'd give anything to have my spouse back again!") you can write things out. Your spouse is the only other person who will ever see what you write. Ever. Remember, privacy is important here.

There are other Retrouvaille people there, to keep things running. You probably will have little direct contact with them about your personal situation. At meals and breaks, though, they will join the couples and will be happy to chat about whatever. Also, if things get out of hand for any couple, a Retrouvaille participating couple will be there to help mediate things.

Well, who are these Retrouvaille people? They are fellow travelers, who have experienced serious problems in their marriages. They have learned ways to see through the troubles, to learn ways to truly communicate and to regain the love that they felt had disappeared. They are not counselors or marriage experts. Retrouvaille people have been where you are now, and have found a lifeline for marriage. They only want to help you rediscover the joy God has granted us in marriage.

As for Mrs. Ray and me, we completed the six Post Weekend sessions. (These are actually more important than the weekend! - Commit to them!!) We used the writing techniques for about three months to help build our communication. Then it all petered out. But, I personally believe the experience was vital to our reconciliation. However, Mrs. Ray does not think so. I'd love to be active in the Retrouvaille community, but since Mrs. Ray is not interested, I can't.

Finally, what does this cost? There is a non-refundable registration fee (ours was $100). At the end, we were told how much the hotel and food cost for the weekend for one couple (Our weekend was $550), and given a white envelope. We were asked to go to our rooms, and return in half an hour with the envelope, and place it in a basket. There were no marks on any envelope to identify whose envelope it was. I'm sure some envelopes were empty, and some probably had much more than the $550 our weekend cost. The bottom line is, the local Retrouvaille community is so committed to saving marriages, they are more interested in helping you than in covering costs. Don't let money stop you from saving your marriage. Just go.

Update (7/28/08) Here is a link to another Retrouvaille story: "Miracle of Retrouvaille". See how powerful the Retrouvaille system can be.

Finally, if you got this far... My visitor tracker reports many visitors to this particular post. I want to respect your privacy, but if you can, I ask you to make a short comment about your reaction to this post, or your situation, or if Retrouvaille has helped you (or not). Thanks.

Update (1/14/13)
After nearly five years, I wanted to update the costs. The Non-refundable fee is now $150 and the  actual costs for the weekend (you contribute voluntarily to this) is $300. This depends on your Retrouvaille Community.

Update (6/17/17)
Many post here as "Anonymous", and include plans with Retrouvaille.  If possible come back afterward and add your Retrouvaille experience. A short statement of your judgement of possible outcome for you and our spouse would be helpful. I pray for every request coming to this post.