Sunday Mrs. Ray came over for dinner, talk, and, of course, Amazing Race.
We shared some parts of Boundaries for Marriage. My main point was the realization I described in "Redefining the Situation", that the issues I saw about control led directly from expectations to boundaries.
Now there are two problems I need to deal with: 1) Why did it take so long? (six months or more) and 2) - the real bête noire - How will Mrs. Ray know now that I understand and will work to make changes permanent? It wouldn't be so bad if she was sticking around here, but Mrs. Ray does have solid plans to move to the Midwest in June. (My plans would be to stay here through summer school, them move to be with her.) How could she manage to live with me (as her husband) if shes not sure if I'll return to the "old" me?
I have about 1 month to work out this issue. I will take this up with the counselor Friday. At the moment Mrs. Ray is not interested in Retrouvaille style dialog. But I believe it will be beneficial down the road. Any suggestions will be welcome, either by comment here, or email to my contact.
* bête noire: something that makes life miserable. French for "black beast".
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Ray's and Mrs. Ray's journey through divorce. Mrs. Ray did not ask - she stated - we will get a divorce. She has spent over two years building up aggravation at the way I treat her. I am clueless, but her perception is her reality. I'm also doing my best to examine myself and to make myself acceptable to her. I just might be too late.
This is my chronicle of divorce
(Warning! Christian content will appear without warning!)
I absolutely do not want a divorce, but for reasons my wife states, she wants out. (no affair, abuse or other bad stuff like that). The real reasons may come out in the blog.
This blog is totally anonymous. OK, I used to live in California. Ray is the name I'm using on this blog, it's not my real name.
I absolutely do not want a divorce, but for reasons my wife states, she wants out. (no affair, abuse or other bad stuff like that). The real reasons may come out in the blog.
This blog is totally anonymous. OK, I used to live in California. Ray is the name I'm using on this blog, it's not my real name.
Blog Archive
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2007
(56)
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April
(20)
- Bête noire *
- What's Next?
- Redefining the Situation
- Tick. Tick. Tick.
- (No title. You've seen it before.)
- Wicked Day
- Mystery Date?
- Aaaarrghhh! (In a good way)
- Going through the motions
- Faint Optimism
- Amazing (Race)
- Stirrings?
- Keeping on Keeping On
- Shutting it down
- Winding it up
- Retrouvaille Contact
- Venting it all
- Final Result
- That feeling again....
- Coasting
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April
(20)
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