The counselor who messed it up last week contacted Mrs. Ray to see what he could do. (I missed his call, but he did leave a voice message.)
Mrs. Ray is set - she has made her decision. I have been in similar situations, and know what I must do emotionally. I don't really want to give up, but I feel there is small chance of any life in our marriage. Yes, I have bitterness, but it is not in me to dwell there or cultivate it.
Mrs. Ray has already (around Christmas) filed the divorce papers, and here in California, I have almost no recourse to fight it. I expect the final papers and stuff any time.
My feeling is now I must cut off as much contact as I can, and seal Mrs. Ray's part of my heart with thick scar tissue. This will hurt. I am sorry she has given up. I have ideas of what's behind it (don't we all really want to fix blame?) but I won't be airing it here.
For the last time, I guess, thank you readers for following my story, for praying, and for those comments you have offered.
I do believe the Retrouvaille system is powerful. Should I later find new love (I expect and want to) I want to try using the dialog from the get-go as a way to avoid what happened to Mrs. Ray and me.
I have no plans to close this blog down. It is dedicated to my marriage to Mrs. Ray, so the only things I can add will be from the relationship I have with her. My God has done greater things than revive dead marriages, and my prayer is still that Mrs. Ray and I can find our first love again. I have found the most significant readers here are from the Retrouvaille community. So, any new entries will certainly include that word.
Love, Ray
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1 comment:
Oh Ray, I am sorry it's come to this. I had a lot of hope for you. But I know it takes two to fix a hurting marriage.
Sometimes you have to know when to quit. I judge you have done all you can. I strongly believe in the power of hope and possibility, but maybe now it's time for you to concentrate on Mr. Ray. There is a plan for all of us--but sometimes it's so hard to find and believe.
Keep the Faith. Be strong--give yourself time to heal. You fought a good fight, and you can take pride in that. Keep blogging! We wish only good things for you, and also for Mrs. Ray, whatever happens.
God bless and give you peace.
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