Not Budging

Mrs. Ray came over tonight, “to play with the animals” - two dogs & three cats. We went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. She told me she liked the faster pace in speaking with the counselor when it’s one-on-one. She said the counselor told her to lay off the intimacy. We both agreed that would be a good thing.

I have been officially served with divorce papers. The clock starts ticking to 30 days, then Mrs. Ray is able to begin the proceedings. In talking with her, I think she may wait 60 days to see if there’s any hope. Sheesh!

I pointed out how I am learning to not be so caring (smothering). I told her that when we went grocery shopping Monday (See Dec. 18 “Starting on the Long Road” entry) I made an effort to not be so helpful. I could have spouted off on many things as she shopped for her own stuff, but I did not. (She admitted that I did seem rather quiet at the time.) I began with these “baby steps” to pull back from controlling things. I think she did appreciate what I am doing in changing my self.

I had debated whether to bring up the next subject, as it is the most hurtful (to me) piece of information I have shared with Mrs. Ray. (The “Betrayal” of December 14) But I told her how painful it was to open up this subject when I originally shared it with her. That did not affect her. Still, I had originally hidden (not told her) some information that I should have been forthcoming with early on in our relationship. Regardless of how I felt in sharing my most embarrassing thing, which I had asked for forgiveness from God and repented of, Mrs. Ray still finds it necessary to use this information against me, to the point I believe she will be sharing this with her relatives in Arkansas. I was certainly like I described once (I don’t deny living with the other woman), but that is not how I am now, or in the last 15 years. Essentially, Mrs. Ray said, “tough, you hid important information from me.”

Well, that discussion ended (with no satisfaction on my part). After a bit, Mrs. Ray took her leave, with plans for Christmas Eve (two days away) still depending on her daughter’s schedule.