Reaching My Summit

Last night I was out till about 8:30 getting more work done on my tattoo. (Follow that in my MySpace blog.) Came home, Mrs. Ray was dinking on her computer, looking for a Laptop to buy. We chatted, everything seemed to be OK. Just like she wants.

I watched a show on Discovery called "Everest: Beyond the Limit". One climber, still a few days' climb form the top, "hit a wall". His dream since he was 8 years old had been to climb Mt. Everest. He was so close to realizing his dream, yet he knew he could not take another step. He turned back. In this show we see him coming to grips with the end of a dream. Was it failure? He called that turning point his personal summit. Had he continued, he certainly would have died. (The summit of Everest is called "The Death Zone" for a reason.) Now he will live with the mixed result of failing (?) his dream, but more importantly recognizing his true limits. There is satisfaction in knowing when to turn back.

This morning I went to have breakfast & talk with our pastor. "Jim" (not his real name, or is it?) has known Mrs. Ray for years. He knew about her past marriage and its breakup. He is an excellent sounding board for me - listening, offering ideas, providing Biblical wisdom, but not offering advice.

We talked about my emotional exhaustion (to the point my prayers are simply repeating "help me God" over and over. I wondered about the support I read in James 1:2 that life's troubles are how God prepares you for receiving God's wisdom. Whew!! We talked about, in exhaustion I might just give up. We talked about how I felt that Marriage is God's second gift to Man (after He gave us life, he gave us companionship.) That Marriage is a picture of Jesus' relationship with His Church. Jim pointed out that God told Hosea to marry a prostitute. (No, Mrs. Ray is no prostitute. But Hosea's wife left him, and he went to look for (and found) her again.)

I am afraid for the future. No way do I want to give up on Mrs. Ray. But, like the Everest climber, for practical reasons reaching my own personal summit might just be a matter of survival.